Is interrupting an East coast thing, as a friend of mine proposed? Are Westerners really slower and more linear minded? It’s definitely not so black and white. I am not talking about obsessive talkers, which span the Continent and beyond. We all know the type who won’t let you walk away and when you’ve finally been totally overwhelmed by them and run out of time, they ask you about your life (because their life is so much more difficult than yours). A little intrusion is one thing; total obliteration is another (and it’s all relative!).

I grew up on the West coast but lived in New York for five years in the 1980’s which may account for my communication style. The question for a linguistics major is this: What amount of words quantifies an interruption as opposed to an interjection? And, if an interjection takes a conversation off course, maybe it will be into more interesting and unexpected territory, or perhaps it is only a digression with the full intention on the part of the interrupter to return to the main topic at hand. Actually, I compare my style to jazz music – not the totally obscure kind, but the kind where there is a melody and then the musicians riff and finally return to the main melody. Riffing is spontaneous and creative – much like brainstorming where nothing is planned or censored. Some people think that if their thought is not finished or a topic is not complete, then the two people chatting should not move on. I find linear conversation like that tedious.

On the other hand, there are times I am with my closest friends and they spend most of an hour on a topic because it rivets us both and it is loaded with genuine emotion. I consulted about six of these friends whom I have known for over 15 years and we discussed communication style. None felt that I interrupt, so there is obviously an ease in our exchange. It requires a huge effort on my part when I am with a more linear minded friend. Is one mode of communication right or wrong? I don’t think so, although it is important to communicate feelings to one another regarding the topic so that feelings don’t get hurt and each party feels heard. However, it has been my experience that the people who feel interrupted have not considered that perhaps their mode is just as demanding for the other party because there is not a kindred sense of communication. If riffers are expected to slow down and change, then perhaps the lineads could occasionally attempt to broaden their horizons and forget that they had a plan.

I’ve only been told by three people in my life that I interrupt, although it's likely there are more who feel that way. The first time was by a family member when I was about 26 years old and I took it a bit personally because I generally care about the people with whom I am conversing and there is an implication that I don’t care about what they have to say. I thought it was a unique problem, until this year (20 years later), two men told me the same thing – separately, of course. Ironically, I remembered them talking for long stretches when I was listening avidly. Perhaps I didn’t respond or maybe I was trying to identify with their story with a story of my own and did not ask the questions they hoped for, but in any case their remark caused me to ponder. Finally, I will say that I am more present in my conversation because of my linead friends. I am less prone to interject a canned story that seems so important, related to something they said a minute ago; I’m more apt to listen to what is being said in the moment, but I definitely don't beat myself up about it because ultimately I believe it is a difference in styles that is not easily resolved.