Yesterday, I heard the most amazing reading on NPR by story teller Kevin Kling. His style was satisfying and his story telling riveting as he digressed and rambled about ghosts living amongst us, pondering many things, including that perhaps this life prepares us for our dream life. I have often considered this, waking from dreams that felt more complicated and fulfilling than this strange human life. But, occasionally, as they say, life is stranger than fiction (or dream).

For instance, last night my 12 year old daughter ran into the kitchen breathless and distraught (and topless). She said a man had been staring at her from outside the bathroom window. Our very own Peeping-Tom, a voyeur, a sicko shattering our illusion of safety and seclusion. My mother was so angered by the news that she used the word “pervert” three times in one short email paragraph. My Dad said he’s happy that he’s coming into town next week because if the guy gets a look at him he’ll run the other way for good.

After we made sure the doors were locked, we called 911. The cops showed up in less than 3 minutes which reminds me this is not L.A.! They caught a man wandering the streets and we learned about "drive bys." My daughter and I were required to view the suspect; he was being held under spotlight at a distance from the police car we traveled in. She could not positively identify the man, because all she saw were his eyes and the tops of his ears and some of his hair; therefore, likely the voyeur will remain free.

I am finding that a story like this brings out other people’s weird tales – like the woman who was driving next to a man who held up a picture of him in the nude. My eyes are getting so bad that I wondered how she was able to see what he was showing her – and, driving, no less. But, she was able to copy his license plate number and have him convicted for the crime! Tonight, I went over to my next door neighbor's house. They moved in two weeks ago and I wanted to tell them about the incident. They invited me in for a glass of wine and I took a seat with family members whom they were hosting from out of town. The grandpa said that we wouldn’t need to worry anymore, because he was headed back home in a few days (implying that he was the culprit)! After we all had a good laugh, he went on to suggest that a. we dig a 3 foot camouflaged pit near the window or b. we provide a distraction by playing porno flicks in the nearby bushes. Disconcerted by his father’s sense of humor, my neighbor asked the elderly man if this would be distraction or incentive and the elderly fellow couldn’t be sure. I told them that the best way to minimize fear was to maintain a sense of humor. (I had told my daughter that she was so cute she had her very own peeping tom! But, she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.)

I thought our property was impervious to loiterers. I was accustomed to calling the secluded bundle of overgrown trees around my front yard (where I liked to sun tan half naked) my “secret garden,” but now, evidently someone has discovered our “secret garden” which is no longer so secret! Talk about a loss of innocence – for my 12 year old, yes, but even for me. I grew up in big cities where this kind of aberrant behavior was a given, but here in the country I have let my guard down.

Perhaps I will buy a bull horn to deter future peepings. My oldest daughter thinks we should line the ledge where the peeper has obviously stood many a time (based on the obvious toe markings against the wall of the ledge) with mouse traps, but I think a good automatic light and additional curtains should do the trick. After all, voyeurs are not robbers – their neurosis is based in the thrill of the forbidden as well as visual stimulation. Now that he can’t see much, I don’t see what his motivation would be to return. All I can say now is: if and when I can find sleep comfortably again in my own home, I hope I will be sufficiently prepared for the haven that awaits me in my dream life.